Getting Outside
You know what they say… dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
The sun is not my friend. The outside has historically not been my friend. As a kid I was always told that the outside was dangerous. After all, I did X then I would have Y happen and then I would die. That’s what I was always told when I was younger.
As a result, I’ve lived most of my life scared of what the outdoors really was. I stayed in the bubble in my home instead of venturing out.
Every time I would try to venture out of my comfort zone when I was younger, I was always pushed back. After all, when you live with someone controlling who you are at every step of life, it becomes second nature. Some examples...
On Baseball: You’re not athletic, so why would you want to do that? You’re gonna get hit my the ball or someone will throw a bat at your head, you’ll get brain damage, and you’ll die.
On Football: Someone stronger than you will tackle you, you’ll break a rib, and you’ll die.
On Wrestling: You’re too fat for that. People will judge you. Also someone will pin your throat down and you’ll suffocate.
On the Boy Scouts: You’ll get eaten by a bear.
On Basketball: You’re too short, you’re too fat. Also you’ll get hit in the head by a ball and you’ll die.
In my younger years, within probably a 10 minute walk from my grandmother’s house was this nature preserve, the Mc Cullough Nature Preserve, https://goo.gl/maps/jLVrVx9t5tkoMTBPA. At fourteen acres, it isn’t a sprawling space. We used to take our dogs on walks there. My brother would go off on a less-traveled trail he called “the adventure trail” which really was just a tougher variant. If he was with me, I could follow him down this trail. If my brother wasn’t with us, I had to stay on the main short trail. I was told my brother was the strong athletic one, and I was told I was the fat slow one whose job it was to stay home and take care of things there.
One year we were at Winton Woods with my brother and my father (his step father) and these bugs came out of the tree and I had a freak out about it. They laughed and told me, “see you’re just a fat puts who needs to stay home.” When you have no exposure to the outdoors and suddenly faced with something unfamiliar and you’re eight years old do you really expect no reaction?
When I have gone outdoors, because of my skin complexion, I also have to be careful to seek shade whenever possible. This is why I’ve always leaned towards green space that was more wooded. Either find shade or soak myself in sunscreen, there is no in between for me, unfortunately. For example, I recently missed some spots applying sunscreen when I went out on the boat of a friend and parts of me went full-Zoidberg.
The best time I spent outside was probably when I went to Camp Nerd Fitness in 2016. Spending four and a half days up in the mountains of Georgia at a summer camp, sleeping in a bunk, and getting back to the basics of life. It was probably one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It was the moment when I truly became less afraid of being outside and I did it mostly to break out of my comfort zone.
In February of this year, I did a couple of walks as a local state park, driving down and taking some time in nature. This was about the time the rises in COVID had begun so I was trying to get out of the house. My first walk, I did a couple of miles but spent the entire walk completely freaked out; would I get lost, would I get attacked by an animal? The second walk was better, though still stress inducing. Then the weather got worse, and I stopped going.
As I’ve embarked on this respawn effort, one thing I’ve committed to myself is to get outdoors more. This isn’t just when the weather is perfect. I’m thinking about how I break down my own self-installed barriers against the outdoors and the elements and face down the adversity of myself, nature, weather, and the world. Picking up some extra gear so I can walk even when it is raining, for example, and having these things ready to go. Planning new routes to change things up. Thinking about driving to green space rather than relying solely on the usual green space around me.
So Ben 3.0 Beta 1 Outdoor Browser Extension is under development. It’s buggy af right now, but in time we’ll refine that more.
