Connecting
When I started my fitness journey a little over two years ago, I found it very hard to connect with people. I had very low self-esteem; I wasn't just physically in peril, but I was also emotionally in peril. I rarely spoke to people in the gym. I would walk in, head down, do my workout, and walk out head down.
My trainer made a comment earlier this year about how I "used to hate exercise." This was so very true. I was loathed to exercise. I hated exercise since I was a fat kid in elementary school constantly picked on because I was heavy; I wasn't very good at it, and so always sat it out whenever possible.
Truth is, now I love working out. That didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of time and effort to get to that point. A lot of it I owe to my trainer, who taught me that working out could be fun. He tapped into my desires and goals and led me down a path towards that. He saw goals in me I didn't articulate, like strength and balance and athleticism. These were things I didn't know I wanted because I couldn't imagine them; instead, my core goal was "not be fat".
As I improved and became stronger, my self-esteem rose. My support network grew with new friends at the gym. I was connecting with people, truly connecting, for maybe the first time in my life in a meaningful way.
As I prepared to move to Richmond, VA I knew that it would be a huge change. I'd have to build new relationships, new connections. I knew this would be hard, being in a new city with a different culture than in New England.
What I found was that I feel "out of sorts" in many ways because I don't connect with people. I found groups of people. At my old gym, the populated skewed a little older, and we connected through our collective endeavours to lose weight and be healthier. These days, I'm less concerned with "losing weight" and more focused on concepts like "body composition", "getting lean", and "getting big". These are the motives of a bodybuilder, not just a guy trying to get fit. I've changed my mindset, and it's causing me to not connect with others I would have in the past.
The Young Guys; These ate the 20-something guys who are fit and working hard. They congregate together, chat a lot, and act like 20-something guys. I don't really connect with them because I'm the "older guy" even though mentally I am a man-child who feels 24.
The guys in my age group generally fall into two categories; the dad bods and the jacked guys. The dad bods are just there so they can drink beer and eat wings. The jacked guys have been at it for a decade plus; compared to someone working for just two years, I'm a 'novice' to them.
I've also tried to start connecting with the heavier people; part of me hopes I can help them out. Much like me in the past, they aren't always receptive to attention. It takes a lot to just go to the gym when you're overweight, and attention is usually seen cynically from their eyes. I know, because I've been on the other side.
Oddly enough, as with my old gym, the people I connect most with are the trainers. I am friendly with most of them, more than the clients themselves.
I've made fitness part of my life. I've committed myself to turning myself into an 'athlete'. For everyone my age going through a weight loss transformation, or on the other side of a transformation, most do not have ambitions of being powerlifters or bodybuilders or athletes; most just want to be trimmer and leaner for life.
I know I will eventually begin meeting people and connecting. It takes a lot of time, and I have to be more willing to put myself up front with people and be friendlier than I have been. It's hard for me to initiate conversations, but it's something I am working on.
I knew going into this at my age was not going to be easy. Physically, emotionally... it is hard to accomplish what I want to do when you're forty. It can be done, and I have no doubt I will achieve my goals. I just have to work hard, keep at it, and for now, work in a bit of a solitary bubble that I haven't been used to in the past. The connections will come in time. I am a different person than I was two years ago; I just need to commit myself to the process.
