Self-Confidence

Today felt good. It wasn’t so much that it was a heavy lifting day, but it was that for the first time in a long time I am feeling like I am making a lot of progress towards my goals.
I tend to beat myself up over the little things, when I know deep down that stuff isn’t important. I looked around at others and see them doing things I wish I could do, and that sinks me down more.

The truth is, however, is that none of us are ever in the same place in terms of our journeys. That guy behind me might have been doing these olympic lifts for years, while I’ve been doing them for a total of four months with a longer than I would have liked plague-break in the middle.

The only person I should compete against is myself, so I’m always working to reframe that. Not where I was, when I was deadlifting and squatting heavier, but where I am now.

I am simply amazed how much stronger I’ve gotten over the last couple of months, and this year in general. Truth is as I look back on those heavy-lifting days of 2016-2017, I realize I could have done better. I was squatting and deadlifting up heavier weight, but was my squat as deep as it could have been? Was my deadlift as solid as it should be? These are the things I’m realizing are more important as the ego-driven efforts of putting more plates on the bar; get stronger, but get stronger right.

Today I squatted 230 3x3. It wasn’t the heaviest I’ve squatted this year, but it’s the heaviest at volume I’ve squatted this year. More importantly, I feel like I can be proud of the work put in because my form is improving, my depth is better, and I’m getting stronger while pushing myself to do everything right.

Then I turn around and bench 180 3x3. The heaviest I’ve ever benched was 190x2, and this year 185 for less reps. The difference is that I didn’t feel like I slopped it up, I felt like it was a strong, solid lift; it wasn’t to failure, it was within programming and it felt good.

Am I squatting and benching as heavy as others in my gym? No, but I’m doing better than I have before and pushing myself to get better each session. While there are days when I might not want to get after it, I know consistency and habit are, longer term, more important than motivation. Motivation comes and goes, but I’ll be happier long term if I stay consistent and push through regardless.

I consider myself so fortunate to have found a coach that not only is helping me be a better lifter, and sometimes a better person, but is holding me to a higher standard I expect for myself as well.

Now I will continue working to get stronger every day, build more endurance, improve breathing, and get my body composition where I want it to be.

Oh, and also to be able to get upside down without having a complete panic attack and soaking the floor in a puddle of sweat.