Today I had my personal training session with my coach. A weekly session outside of the normal WOD schedule where we work on some specific things.

Today was a brutal leg day, at least in terms of leg days on the third week back from quarantine.

What I ran into today was a mental block. We did 4 sets of squats for 8 reps, then rested five minutes. What followed was an AMRAP (As Many Reps as Possible) for one set at the same weight. I got 15. My coach was pushing me to get more, but I racked it back, complaining of some abdominal pain.

The truth is that abdominal pain was probably more in my head than reality. In hindsight, I realize I probably could have gotten at least five more reps had I kept the bar on my back, reset, took a deep breath, and went back at it. I didn’t. Why didn’t I do it? It was in my head. It was self doubt. It was fear of failure.

Even in a one-on-one session where I know someone is paying complete attention, I was still afraid of failing. I allowed my self-doubt to overcome my determination, and my body translated this into “abdominal pain”.

It isn’t the first time I gave up on an AMRAP too soon. Often my own worries take over and the AMRAP falls apart before my body reaches that point where there isn’t anything left in the tank to push through.

So what do I do about it? I refocus myself and continue to remind myself that I am stronger than my own internal struggles. That I am my own hero and my own arch-nemesis at the same time. If I truly want to be the energy filled, strong, committed hero I want to be, I must endure and become more comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Only when we push ourselves hard can we truly accomplish our goals. I have lofty goals, but I know I can achieve them. I just have to realize it will be uncomfortable, suck it up and deal with it, and push on.