March is done and it’s started to get me thinking more about my goals and what I am trying to achieve.

I wrote previously about how goals evolve. I’ve been giving a lot of thought about this over the last few days. In particular, I’m thinking about what my “ideal” physique would be, what is my “practical” physique goal, and what I want to achieve short and long term.

Let’s start with a bit of honesty. If I was told I could wake up tomorrow with any body I wanted, I would probably be crazy huge and muscular tomorrow. I’ve always admired the big bodybuilders, even back to when I was a teenager… you know, the time when boy bands roamed the earth and Seinfeld was still on. Here I was, this fat kid who admired guys who put so much time and energy into their bodies. Even today I look at people like Bradley Martyn and admire what they’ve achieved with their bodies and how amazed I am at how much the human body can transform.

I told one of my best friends recently that I am probably lucky I didn’t shoot for the stars of that body so many years ago. The truth is, young guys who want to achieve those types of physiques pump so many chemicals into their bodies that the Dow Corning plant is probably thinking, “yeah, that’s a bit too much.” They do it through a combination of raging testosterone, raging stupidity, and a sense of invincibility. We’re all stupid when we’re teenagers.

For those people taking performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) and taking those choices, I don’t begrudge them. It’s their life, and their choices. I do think they would be safer if PEDs were legal and properly administered by doctors if they are going to use them, however.

I started this journey to improve my health, and extend my life. I started because I didn’t want to die. You get one life, and I want to live this one as long as possibly can. I will be holding on until the fates cut the very last hair. Knowing what I know, I wouldn’t consider using PEDs. I value my overall health too much, knowing the stress that those things put on your body. I also know that some of them can get very complicated; screw up dosing or timing and your dead.

A bit more honesty? Let’s scratch the surface of why I would want a body like that. I’ve spent the last four decades feeling like I was less than everyone else. I still feel like the fat kid in the room. I still feel like people mock me or make fun of me, even if I know deep down it isn’t true. In my mind, that “huge” body was something I always viewed as something that would garner awe and respect from people. Even when I am in the gym today squatting 280 and someone says “wow, more than I could do,” I have this sense of ‘imposter syndrome’.

So we’re dismissing the ‘dream’ body. Not feasible. Not practical. I’d like to not have a liver the size of a watermelon and testicles of raisins, thanks so much. It also, as a 41 year old, not as “attractive” to me as maybe it was when I was 21.

So we bring the goals into the practical realm. Back to Leaner, Stronger, and Bigger. Bigger means more mass, not stupid amounts of mass. So I know what I one from a practical sense. How do I get there? To explore this, let’s look at two different interactions I had this week.

The first was with the coach at F45 where I am doing my conditioning work. I mentioned working on form when so I could improve my deadlift so when I get my deadlift back up to 400+ that I would have a stronger lift. She asked a question, “why do you want to lift that much?” I laughed, “because it’s fun.” We talked about that’s all that matters, that whatever fitness thing I am doing, that I am enjoying it.

The second interaction was me sending a form check video to my main coach. His response…

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvpe9hjojTE

The video I sent him was basically me being concerned I wasn’t “deep enough”. I was concerned I wasn’t going down low, and I pushed up the weight because, well, let’s lift heavy.

These two interactions sat in the back of my head for a while. It’s made me realize that maybe I need to reposition not necessarily my training, but my goal setting in my mind. I always focus on how much I can lift. I use it because it’s a clear goal. It’s measurable. Its quantifiable. I love metrics, I love beating scorecards, and I love beating expectations. I fully admit I am overly competitive sometimes, especially with myself. I hit conditioning days and damn near burn myself out doing the workouts just thinking “more is better”.

So I’m taking a step back and thinking about this objectively. More isn’t necessarily better. Better is what will get me to the physique goal that I’ve set for myself. Better is what will move the needle more towards my goals. This could mean less weight, more range of motion, more tempo, more endurance, and more effort at lower weights. My coach has been trying to drill into my head that heavier isn’t always the solution, and I think I’m starting to get my brain to that as well.

So as I think about this, I continue to work in my two worlds. The first being the heavy lifts. If it’s easy to lift it, I should lift it. “Heavy” is subjective, but maybe scaling back and going for more form and range of motion work will serve me well in the long term. The second world, where I am getting my conditioning workouts, is an opportunity to improve my endurance. I’m also going to try out one of their strength/cardio hybrid classes this week to see how I might incorporate a different mindset for my accessory strength work. My compound lifts are always going to be a little on the heavier side, but I want to focus on form, tempo, and range of motion and remember I am not doing powerlifting so I don’t need to lift “all the weight”, but rather “some of the weight with form and tempo to make it feel like all the weight.”

Always learning, adapting, and getting better. That’s what matters. As long as I am having fun doing it, and I am pushing towards my goals, I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a long road I am on, and I have to just find the best path that makes me happy.