As we roll into 2019, I’m becoming even more laser focused on my goals for the upcoming year. While I am not a “resolutioner” by definition, I also do look at New Years as an opportunity to look at my goals from the prior year and where I am going in the upcoming year.

In my most recent respawn, I really decided to double down on what I am trying to accomplish. I needed to reset my thinking in a way that let me push to my goals. I need to bring myself to understand who I am and what I am trying to achieve. Earlier in December I talked on here about my goals a little bit for the upcoming year.

My goals are simple… Bigger, Stronger, Leaner, Better. 2019 will be the year that I make some awesome strides to the physique I’ve been after since this began in 2016. I’ve made the transformation physically from someone who was morbidly obese to someone who was active and strong. It took me a long time to begin to accept myself myself mentally as this strong and active person.

If there is such a thing as “imposter syndrome”, I am a prime candidate for that diagnosis. Some days I still have a strong case of imposter syndrome in the gym, but I still won’t let it slow me down. I see the guys at the gym who are way stronger, way more jacked, and way more ripped than I am and I wonder about my place there; do I really belong there? Sure, they’re younger than I am, but they’ve been lifting a lot longer than I am.

I have been what I consider to be a “serious lifter” for just a little over two years, and it’s only been part of my fitness journey. After my initial weight loss, there was this point when it clicked and I went into the world of being a “lifter”. The guys at the gym I am comparing myself, some of them might be 25 but have been lifting for a decade or even more. In the grand scheme of a lifter’s life, I am still a toddler learning. I make no pretenses that I am any kind of expert or that I know everything to do. This is part of why I also have a coach, as well.

If I want to be that hero I’ve been striving to be, I must drive myself hard to my goals. I must strive to be better every single day. To get bigger, stronger, leaner, and better, I have to be committed to the process and ready to take on the challenges necessary to get there. To be that hero I’ve been striving to be, I sum it up as two simple words… Be Untamed.

The “Phoenix” was coined by my amazing trainer Andrew from an article my Chris Shugart in 2014 about the Phoenix Theory. It summed up my life to that point where I became the phoenix rising from the ashes. Untamed? It’s my commitment to being relentless and unstoppable. Think about what it means to be “tame”…

Domesticated. Subdued. Less powerful. Easy to control. These are things that used to describe “Old Benjamin”; people pleaser to a fault, always going with what everyone else wanted and not being concerned with my needs. I made the active decision that I would be a powerful person, mentally and physically. I will continue to strive to be the best Phoenix I can possibly be. It doesn’t mean I don’t think of others, but that I think of myself and others.

I won’t let myself down. I won’t let Andrew down, who believed in me when no when else did. I won’t let my friends down, who continue to believe I am becoming the beast I was meant to be, the fitness driven healthy individual I’ve always wished I was, and now I am making it happen.

I consider myself “Beast Mode”. I am going to “HAM” (Hard as a Mother ⁉️⁉️⁉️) more often than not. I also know to accept that some things take time, and some things are beyond my control. We find the balance and go about out lives making ourselves better everyday.

So every day, I will tell myself the same thing…

To do anything else would be to not be truthful to myself and who I am. It is who I am, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life I am the Untamed Phoenix. Relentless, unstoppable, and will always rise from the ashes to be better than I was the day before.